| Today I am dirty, I want to be pretty, tommorow I know im just dirt. |
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| HElllo there.... |
[Oct30'2007 09:20PM] |
This has been bothering me for quite a while now but I never bothered to bring it up with anyone until Putri randomly mentioned it.
We are both 18, finished high school, matured, lived a little, got into college/university, about to finish our first year at college/university yet... I feel like I haven't achieved anything in my life and each day is flying by faster than it has before. Correction: each year.
I feel like I'm living a meaningless life surrounded by each year passing by without any significance.
I remember being young each day would go for so long, I'd be aching for the time my favourite tv show came on, dinner ect.
Now it seems every moment is flashing before my eyes and I'm finding it hard to "seize the day".
My life achievements.
I've been to 41 different cities in 27 different countries.
I have a drivers license, I own a car
I finished high school
I got into university, I study marine biology
I speak 3 languages, soon to be 4
I've been in love, twice.
I left my shitty retail job to do promo work and lead into modelling
I was born in russia and managed to immigrate to australia
I've been on tv in japan
I used to take pretty nice photos, which I think made an impact on people even if it was only for an instant.
I have a pretty good job
I have a good body which i work hard for
I have nice hair which I take care of
I have friends that i love and (hopefully!) love me
Well that's all I can think of so far.
But anyway, even though I think about these achievements, I think of all the things I want to do; I've come to realise I'll never be satisfied and one day I will wake up and be 60 and realise I haven't achieved anything my life, or have I?
You tell me...
How do you deal with this feeling? That you're wasting everyday on just getting through without leaving behind any sort of positive/negative impact on the world? The world is full of people which each shape our opinions and choices in our everyday life, shouldn't that mean that each of us should eventually leave this universe with an impact on others?
I imagined life to be full of memories and achievements by the time you finish, but even at 18 I feel like I haven't accomplished enough to function normally...
I'm sitting around thinking 2 weeks before exams, I've completed the first year of a course I don't know if I really want to do but I don't know what to do else...
I know one day perhaps I'll be saving some dying whale speaking in one of my many languages and be with someone I love but I'll still be wondering if there is more to life than this.
* Note i dunno about the whale part since I'm pretty picky with smells! and I like my designer clothes & shoes
Someone here on livejournal GIVE ME THE ANSWER!!! What is the meaning to life, and how can I fulfill it???
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| Update |
[Jun22'2007 12:05PM] |
Okkkkk I haven't updated this thing in a long time...
What have I been doing with myself...
WELL
- Right now I go to University of Technology Sydney and study marine biology and international studies (french). But actually I've already finished 1st semester so I'm on holidays now...
- I still work at that shitty little surf shop
- I got my drivers licence finally woo red p's
- I dyed my hair blonde in hope boys will like me... haha nah
- I'm leaving to India in 18 days and staying in New Dehli for a week
- I'm going back to Moscow after that
- I turn 18 soon (finally)
- I've been going to the gym... but then I go eat shit after so that ruins everything
Note to self: must start new diet
That's pretty much it really
Yup
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[Feb11'2007 09:20PM] |
I hate not being able to get who I want.
le sigh.
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[Feb11'2007 09:12PM] |
(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)
| ✓ I miss somebody right now. (:(...) |
× I don't watch much TV these days. (Only when i have time) |
✓ I own lots of books. (Which i don't read.. haha well I have but now they're just picking up dust) |
| × I wear glasses or contact lenses. |
× I love to play video games. (NO WAY) |
✓ I've tried marijuana. (Doesn't do much... pffft) |
| ✓ I've watched porn movies. (Haven't we all!) |
× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. |
× I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (Hmmm...) |
| ✓ I curse sometimes. (FUCK) |
× I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. |
× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. (What am i? emo?) |
( it goes on... )
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[Jan15'2007 07:38PM] |
1. Have you ever been searched by the cops?
Nahhh... came close though
2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
No! I put my hands up in the air and scream!
3. When's the last time you've been sledding?
I've been skiing.. but not sledding
4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Well ;) If they're good looking...
5. Do you believe in ghosts?
Not until I see one
6. Do you consider yourself creative?
Sometimes
7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
No idea
8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Team Jolie!
9. Do you stay friends with your ex's?
NO. NO. NO.
10. Do you know how to play poker?
No :(
11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
Yeah!
12. What's your favorite commercial?
None.
13. What are you allergic to?
Pussy cats.
14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around do you run red lights?
if there's no-one around I would...
15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Probably!
16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
Who?
17. Have you ever been Ice Skating?
YES, lol funn...
18. How often do you remember your dreams?
Sometimes.
19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?
Probably the last time I laughed...
20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
Eleanor Rigby, Yellow submarine, cant buy me love, mrs robinson.. ummm
21. What's the one thing on your mind now?
A person.
22. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Lust at first sght.
23. Do you know who Ghetto-ass barbie is?
Nahh
24. Do you always wear your seat belt?
Yes
25. What cell service do you use?
Optus
26. Do you like Sushi?
Sometimes...
27. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
Yeah, drowning.. car... falling off a cliff, ect
28. What do you wear to bed?
NOTHING.
29. Been caught stealing?
no :P
30. what shoe size do you have?
nine and a half. Hey I'm 5'9 ok?
31. Do you truly hate anyone?
Not really
32. Classic Rock or Rap?
80's pop!
33. If you could sleep with one famous person, who would it be?
I cannot just name one.
34. Have you ever sang in front of the mirror?
Of course
35. What food do you find disgusting?
Beetroot.
36. Do you sing in the shower?
Not really
37. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours"?
I guess
38. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
Yes... lol
39. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
Sure.
40. Have you ever been punched in the face?
I hope not! ever
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| Caitlins parteeeee |
[Dec12'2006 02:30PM] |
I'm not going to post ALL the photos, if you want all of them email me and I'll send you the .rar file.
The theme was dress up, yet you always get the losers that DON"T BOTHER... -sigh-
Oh wellll...
it was fun anyway
Thanks for inviting me Caitlin :D
( Read more... )
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| My life is so exciting. |
[Dec12'2006 02:15PM] |
Not really.
I get my HSC results in wait for it... exactly 1 week from today and to be honest I really DON"T WANT TO KNOW! EVER. It will just lead to more dissapointment.
I have a nice job right now where I get paid peanuts, damnit.. how am I meant to live a life of luxury from what I'm earing?
So yeah, if you have any jobs for me that pay maybe $10,000 a day let me know ;)
Note: No prositution or drug dealing
So I guess a PHOTO POST is in order.
Well firstly some time ago I got called up at 8:30am and told to come to Homebake, not that I really wanted to get out of bed.... but..in the end I did!
it was pretty fun,
- I refused to go to the bathroom all day (hey when you go inside a porta potty after 1000+ people have used it and it's been raining all day you tellme!)
- I wore a plastic garbage bag all day
- I got elbowed in the face a fair few times.
( MORE )
Last Saturday ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) funky_horror and I went to the depths of Chippendale or something like that to help Elle out with her prac exam.... I was the trusty model who got latex slapped all over her and Matt was the trushy photog
Lo and behold the hideous transformation! MI6 should hire me, I can morph into different race categories! Caucasian, Asian and.. ALIEN
( MORE )
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| The good and the bad. |
[Nov25'2006 08:57PM] |
So I went to the dentist today to get my x-rays checked and guess fucking what? My wisdom teeth are growing SIDEWAYS and are about to crush my whole entire set of teeth if I don't get surgery.
So I'm getting oral surgery. I'm so damn fucking scared it's not funny.
They're gonna knock me out and cut my gums up and chip away some tooth then... cut my wisdom tooth in pieces to get them out one by one...
The danger is it's really close to the nerve so I'm kind of scared.
Even worse the pain after and having a swollen face for 5 days.
On the plus side I got accepted to this modeling agency, nothing great but okay none the less, at least I can get some experience along the way.
I had the photoshoot for it today and they gave me the most shocking makeup imaginable... BROWN GLOSSY LIPSTICK and brown unblended eyeshadow and.. AND
ALMOST BLACK EYEBROWS.
Honestly wtf.
So yeah, the downside is unless I want a decent career in it I have to be 57kg (125pounds) instead of 63kg (139pounds). So yeah that is kind of unfortunate considering my favourite activity in life is eating... well maybe sex but it depends :P
The agent said "the scales will become your best friend" was less than appealing but I'm determinded to never fall into that ~~wanarexia~~ crap so eh... whatever.
My health comes number 1 in life so stick that up your size 8 butt.
But from now on I can't anyMANY carbs which is quite horrible since that's my favourite food but hey that's life?
But yes that's nothing big... the most important and frightening thing is... I'm getting surgery and i'm beyond scared. My dentist was telling me all the worst case scenarios... FUCKER I was balling my eyes out by the end.
I could barely even enjoy my food in Little Italy.. bastards.
Anyway that's all I have to say
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| My yr 12 Formal :) |
[Nov21'2006 11:20PM] |
Well it was pretty good apart from the food being crap, but hey can't please everyone?
( ALOT )
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[Nov21'2006 11:10PM] |
Alright well since I've got a backlog of photos they're all coming out tonight!
I'll put them up in a few entries so yeah...
Hookah
mmm view
 ( Read more... )
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| -sigh- |
[Nov17'2006 10:38PM] |
I wonder...
why am I so incapable of making the right decisions regarding my love life? Even though... I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again I still find myself in the samn damn situation.
You'd think after so many similar experiences I would learn, but obviously I was wrong.
I don't even know what I want even more...
What I want with my heart I know with my brain won't satisfy me in reality.
:(
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| I wanna be bad! I am NOT listening to Willa ford.... |
[Nov09'2006 03:40PM] |
drtenge wants pictures... soooo here are your pictures you sletje!!!!
I have one more exam left, Chemistry tomorrow -dies-
Also I got a job at City beach, so yeah I am an official City Beach wench.
Since I couldn't go to the melbourne cup this year, our study group got all dressed up to have our own little celebrations...
My hair.
And yes those are broken scissors, i broke the library scissors.
After they specifically told me NOT to.
yes the thongs ruined it, I know. Thongs = flip flops for the perverts.
Shuddddup, i had to walk down a huge hill.
( More )
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[Oct19'2006 09:05PM] |
Since Putri did one I might aswell too... a reflection on school life!
I had my first exam today, Russian. Damn it was hard.
Now it's a beginning of an end! The 13 years of schooling, 13 years of being kicked off bus seats, 13 years of being eyed down on, 13 years of being classed lower in society.
It has come down to this.
This piece of paper will determine how "smart" I really am....if only it could also measure and compensate the stress and pain it caused me throughout the year.
Relevant to the concept of Journeys (ha ha) it's a Journey we all must take, some of us don't make it, some of us do.
I'm glad I did (so far anyway).
What have I learned?
- I have learned I must make MSN sacrifices and NOT spend hours each night giving it my full attention. I'm still an addict
- I have learnt I cannot live off 4 hours sleep 5 days a week (that only worked in yr 9 and 10)
- I have learned that teachers can be your friends... Thanks Freshwater.
- I've learned that Empire of the Sun can make me really... really... really sad.
- I've learned about quantum physics and the beauty of it all!, before it was like saying "it's not rocket science" no-one really knows what it involves but they use it anyway.
- I've learned to really REALLY despise logs.
- I've learned that despite I never spent a single day in a Russian school all my life (I came here when I was 3) I managed to learn how to actually write essays at high school level within a month, in Russian, without errors. Anyone that trys to tell me if you can speak a language you can write it is a fuckwit and I don't wanna talk to you!
meh
- I've learned to speak some German and come to the conclusion I want to be fluent just because hearing the continuers speak really well annoys me.
- I've learned to never forget old friends <3 Puts and tara!
- I've learned to build a bridge over my problems and GET OVER IT.
- I've learned Rescue Remedy is a better stress reliever than ignoring it all.
Done.
xoxo
Wish me luck.
Okaaay must get back to studying
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[Oct14'2006 02:00PM] |
A movie hasn't moved me like "The Departed" in a long time.
I really do recommend everyone see it, no matter how squeamish and much of a crybaby you are this movie is AMAZING and it will move you no matter how hardcore you are ;)
This is a movie of the decade...
http://imdb.com/title/tt0407887/
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| Everything |
[Oct01'2006 08:06PM] |
WELL guess what everyone? I have officially graduated! Pretty cool isn't it?
Now I can safely go sell my school uniform in Japan to fund various... activities, haha just jokes.
Actually I still need it to do exams.
Anyho... Onto the photos.
The leap of joy...
( +1 )
These are from a chemistry farewell dinner I had with my super cool class, haha.
( Chem )
Now onto some lovely school photos!!
The class of the amazing Physicists
( More! )
English class shenanigans
Angus had to ruin it.. gee
( More )
GRADUATION!!!!
( more )
Some photos from last night at Shuris place!
( more )
The closest I'll ever come to surfing...
( LOOK )
Disclaimer: I spent ALOT of time posting these so if you read this at least comment!
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[Sep27'2006 11:01PM] |
I find this to be one of the hottest images of Masuimi ever, not because I like bestiality.. but because she is so sincere when hitting that monkey-man thing!
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